By George Thomson et al.
NB. Some of the texts contained herein contain rather recondite references to people and situations in and around Philharmonia Baroque Orchestra. We leave it to the intrepid reader to find the corresponding passages of music.
Ta-a-a-ake those brown shoes off right now,
Crepe the dress code won't allow;
Tempers blowing, tantrums throwing,
Leather shines and so should you!
Take, etc.
CHORUS
Watch in horror, watch and stare,
He should ne'er have worn that pair.
Fear no interest to accrue,
Your VISA card is cut in two.
Every rental; ever dining
On those leather chairs reclining, (refr.)
Out by noon and shopped for hours:
Gifts for all those ba-by showr's! (refr.)
Re-use thy bloody glove!
You're free and without shame,
Your lawyers wise.
Haste, haste, up, down!
Our bows fly helter-skelter,
These tiny sticks no shelter from his ire, his ire can yield!
Haste, haste, up, down!
(dedicated to Joe E., in absentia, who plays with the SF Opera in the Fall)
Stay, strings, and hear great JOE's command:
He summons thee this night to play!
--Tonight?
--Tonight you must forsake this band. The angry board will brook no higher
pay!
JOE commands thee: Waste not under these lights those precious bars,
Audition among the stars, on Frisco's pros'prous shore,
And take home thousands more.
Get away from me sailor, get away!
You hanker for staying,
But a ride for you I'm gladly paying.
Just a bowsey short heave and you'll be out the door,
And silence my yawning at all of your fawning,
Tho' never intending to be such a bore.
Instruction's our delight, 'cause others' thoughts we borrow,
If we could do it right, we wouldn't teach tomorrow.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, etc.
(with EB):
Thus, in a fatal lapse of style
creeps the deceitful pedophile,
Thus hypocrites who blur the facts,
get put in charge, and do our patience tax!
Great hinds against themselves perspire,
A bum so pure they must admire. (ossia: desire)
When I am late, am late for work
Let my boss create
No trouble, no trouble for the rest.
Remember me, but Ah! forget I'm late.
Ye drooping strings, these bloopers shun:
(ossia: ye stupid scum:)
Don't chatter, hopeless in your gloom;
Soft and gentle play your part,
Keep near, near your watch, (ossia: crotch,)
And never, never, never cough or fart.
Copyright ©1995 George Thomson. All rights of reproduction and public representation reserved.
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