Ev'ry Sally shall be insulted,
and ev'ry Martha and Jill laid low;
the cook is great, and he loves placing blame.
Thus saith the Lord, the Lord of Toast:
"Yet once a little while, and I will bake
the breads and dessert, whole wheat and the rye-bread;
all bagels, I’ll bake, with the desire of all noshers for some.
The chef whom ye seek shall certainly send you a sample,
ev’n by messenger with an oven mitt (which ye fit right in);
Behold! Even buns!" saith the Lord of Toast.
cf. also "The crumpet shall brown," below.
But who may abide the bray of his strumming,
and who shall stand when he premiereth?
For he has liked to get minors sired.
For he shall surely buy,
For he shall surely buy,--a ton of Levi’s;
That he may offer unto the horde
an offering of "righteous" dress.
Behold! A sturgeon shall bite Steve, and take his gun,
and shall hold a flame to Samuel.
Cod with us.
O thou, that sellest good siding to Brian,
Get thee up unto the accountants...
There were shepherds, imbibing in the fields,
drinking scotch over the rocks by night.
And lo! the urge to smorgasbord came upon them
and a glorious aroma round about them;
they thought they had it made.
But the waiter said unto them, "Here? Not!
for behold, we’re out of smoked salmon and cream cheese.
Take your spree to those people:
For you will find across the way, in the Cafe' of David,
A flavor which is spiced--galore!"
His yolk is over easy, his breakfast is "lite."
(ossia: His bloke is sleazy, he's hurtin' tonight,
His joke is cheesy, &c.)
All we, asleep, still have to play;
we have yearned, every one for his own pay.
Thou art gone onstage high, thou art gone onstage high!
Thou hast held the Cabernet captive, and enough gin for ten,
Yea, even for thine enemas!
Front row, poor sods, thou fell among them!
Thou shalt fake them with their rotten high runs,
Thou shalt thrash them, those pieces, while thy daughters wrestle.
Let us shape these "thighs of thunder,"
and fast away their bulk from us.
How beautiful is the seat of him that teaches the sophomores in Greece,
And fits so tightly in good jeans...
Since by van came Beth,
by van came also the headboard section of the bed.
But has she had some more pie?
Even just one slice, with all that stuff inside!
The crumpet shall brown,
and the bread shall be raised--it smells wonderful!
(Are those eggs free range?)
But thanks, thanks be to Todd,
Who playeth us the timpani through our long winter nights.
Dressing and onion, oil and flour, please not too thin;
Thou sittest upon the phone, and undercook the lamb.
Whatever, whatever.
Ramen.
--compiled by G.T. for the December 1993 _Philharmonia Baroque Musician_, the newsletter of Philharmonia Baroque players. (c) PBM 1993. Revised and augmented 1997
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